Killing Me Softly
by connerbailey
Summary: Kurt comes back from the hospital after being gay bashed and slowly starts to realise that he deserves better. [Warnings: Abusive relationship, dub-con, mentions of the past canon events, dealing with the aftermath from the bashing, possible physical violence.]
1. Chapter 1

Kurt slowly climbed up the stairs, trying not to show in how much pain he was; not that anyone would notice in an empty hallway. He told Blaine he was fine, he could do it and he was going to, especially since all his friends weren't even there yet. He wasn't in a mood for the "traditional" Monday dinner but they were supposed to celebrate him so it would be rude to ask them not to come.

Kurt was freshly out of the hospital when he went to see the memorial for Russ with Blaine and he was still struggling with every day activities that his beaten up body just made it harder to go through. He sighed as he reached the top of the stairs and opened the door to the loft, before he put the keys on the hook by the door and took off his jacket.

Kurt entered his room and sighed at the sight of the unpacked hospital bag lying by the privacy curtain. It was a little too much for him to do it now so he let it sit there when he lay down on the bed. His dad was in a hotel, alone. He could call him, they could hang out, but Kurt didn't really feel like it. Not because he had anything against hanging out with Burt, not at all. It was just that his dad would worry because Kurt wasn't back in shape yet. That was what worried everyone around him the most, despite the fact he felt better physically than he did mentally. Most of the cuts were already on their way to healing but Kurt still kept waking up in the middle of the night, like the bashing happened a few hours ago and not days.

Kurt sighed and closed his eyes. Getting better seemed to be a longer process than he had thought and the actual sadness didn't hit him until he was about to leave the hospital. Yes, of course he was proud of what he did because god knows what those guys would have done to the man they were beating up. It was really probable that Kurt simply saved his life. Yet, he couldn't feel happy about it: not anymore.

Kurt sighed and closed his eyes, thinking about it. It wasn't really the fact that he got beaten up. He didn't regret it, what he told Burt was truth. But it was the realisation he's had over the past few days. He could have lost his life. That's just the thing that could have happened and that it didn't was a blessing but it made Kurt think. Was he really happy with his life as it was at that moment?

Because he was in his dream school and had an amazing roommate (they fought occasionally but they loved each other nevertheless), he had a supporting father and a step-mom that was there for him and he was there for her. Some things that happened in the past few months he couldn't change. And there was one he could and realising that slowly was one of the most painful feelings.

Blaine was a factor in Kurt life that stopped being 100% positive long time ago. The fight they had before the attack wasn't the first in the past few months. They fought over things that weren't just as little as misplaced socks. Their fights were hurtful and after every single one Kurt felt like the bad guy. Making Blaine sleep on a couch. Ruining Blaine's idea for a working space. Making Blaine change his schedule back to the first draft. Making Blaine move out.

Sometimes Kurt wasn't sure anymore what was his own decision and what was the one they made together. He sighed again and sat up, looking around. Time to unpack before starting dinner and meeting Blaine to go to the Russ's memorial. He wasn't happy but it was probably just the effect of medication he was taking and exhaustion from the stay in a hospital. After all, everyone thought he and Blaine were an ideal couple.

* * *

Kurt bit his lip before getting inside the building. He let everyone go ahead and stayed outside to take a few deep breaths and calm himself down. He could have postponed it and maybe for a second there he regretted not listening to Blaine. But his voice was fine and he was ready. He was a fighter and he wanted to perform for his Midwinter Critique on time.

Kurt knew that Blaine talked to Madam Tibideaux about rescheduling his performance the same day it happened and he was a little irritated that no one thought of consulting him before making that decision. So he went and scheduled it back to the previous date after assuring the dean that yes, he was able to do it and no, he wasn't going to hurt himself and no, he didn't do it because he thought she'd fail him and letting him not perform at all definitely wasn't an option.

Kurt took off the jacket and put his bag in the changing room, already in an outfit he planned carefully for this performance. He straightened up his tie and looked in the mirror.

Maybe he should have put on some make up? What if people thought he was using his injuries for pity? What if people judged him because usually everyone in NYADA looked perfect 24/7 and the injuries weren't pretty, the cuts on his face weren't pretty and didn't fit the image of a perfect NYADA student?

But Kurt wanted to show them that he was fine. That despite everything he was ready to get back on track and that it was not easy to break him. That beating him up was not going to break him, not inside.

Kurt sighed and fixed his hair one last time, making sure that his pants were zipped and his shirt was tucked in on the back. After all the blazer was not going to stay for much longer. He smiled at himself and then left the room, entering the Round Room. He smiled at Mercedes and Rachel before joining his dad and Blaine and taking the seat they reserved for him as Madam Tibideaux welcomed everyone and first performers started singing. Kurt looked at the girl who danced through the whole room and suddenly realised he was not going to be able to beat that. He was still healing and dancing vigorously was never an option and the perfectly planned performance was supposed to base more on his acting skills and the interaction with the audience but what if he was wrong, again? What if all of that was going to be a disaster? Kurt bit his lip and stood up when his name was called. There was no escape now anyway so why just not go through with a plan?

* * *

"You could have gotten hurt, Kurt!" Blaine looked at him with a disapproval as they finally were alone in Kurt's part of the apartment. Rachel went out to celebrate with her castmates so they had the whole loft to themselves and Kurt didn't even have time to take off the tie until Blaine started talking how irresponsible was Kurt's jump on the piano and he sighed heavily. Yes, he wasn't in the best shape and maybe it was indeed taking some risk. He could have fallen off or not even manage to climb on top of the instrument but he managed. And taking the risks in this school was an every day thing. So why was Blaine so mad?

Kurt sighed and untied his tie before he looked at Blaine.

"I could have but I'm fine. And I got feedback from Tibideaux. I mean, maybe I would have gotten it without the jump… Probably I would" Kurt chuckled and smiled at the thought of his teacher's words. "But it's such an important performance and that was as much risk as I could get. No make up, no choreography and this. Boldness is appreciated in NYADA, isn't it?" he shrugged and smiled at Blaine who just rolled his eyes and nodded.

"I guess… It's just… I was worried" he stood behind Kurt and massaged his shoulders carefully. "Does your neck still hurt? Your voice sounded amazing today, do you need some hot tea with honey for it? Or medicine? I can make you some while you shower" he whispered and kissed Kurt's shoulder through the shirt.

"I would appreciate some tea. But your last train is leaving soon, I can make it myself" Kurt said softly and turned around, smiling at Blaine tiredly.

Blaine's face fell. He was hoping he could stay for the night but apparently Kurt's plans were different. He shrugged and nodded.

"I just thought I could… Stay for the night…" Blaine shrugged again and smiled unsurely.

Kurt sighed and nodded. It would be rude, after all, to make Blaine go home by himself so late after he offered to help Kurt get back to the apartment.

"Okay" Kurt nodded. "But make that tea?" He smiled and kissed Blaine briefly before going to the bathroom. Showering was taking him a little more time than it used to, but he needed to relax and it was a perfect opportunity for it so he didn't feel bad for it.

Kurt got out of the bathroom almost an hour later and smiled at the scent of food Blaine was making. "I thought you promised me tea? I see you got more creative" he smiled and kissed Blaine's neck before wrapping arms about the boy's waist. "What are you making?"

"Some pasta and a salad. Both or whichever you prefer" Blaine answered warmly and smiled at Kurt over his shoulder. They were going to have an amazing evening.

* * *

Kurt was lying in the darkness. He couldn't sleep and didn't understand why. Nothing bad happened to him, yet he was shaken and didn't seem able to fall asleep. He sighed and turned around, his back facing Blaine.

It's not like there was anything wrong with being intimate with his boyfriend. He might have not felt ready but Blaine has been amazing the past few days and seemed really eager to help any time Kurt needed it and when he hinted earlier how he hoped the night would end Kurt didn't protest. He might have murmured something about being too tired but Blaine promised to take care of him.

So why did Kurt feel so empty? He'd wanted this, didn't he? They loved each other, there was no reason to be shaken up after having sex with his boyfriend even if he tried to say no it was just a brief moment and then he let Blaine coax him into the bed. He didn't say no again, did he?

Kurt swallowed heavily and touched his bare stomach that felt like it was in knots. It wasn't Blaine's fault that it turned out Kurt wasn't ready. That moving like that was a little too painful. That Blaine didn't think much of Kurt's declaration of being tired. That Kurt just laid there, not even trying. Blaine didn't have to guess, Kurt should have told him more than once. And maybe letting Blaine stay for the night was already some kind of declaration. So Kurt screwed up and now he felt like he was about to panic and he didn't like it. There was nothing to panic over. They just had sex. Two adults, an engaged couple, had sex. One of them might have not been eager to do it or really happy about it but it was no big deal and Kurt got mad at himself over trying to make it bigger than it was.


	2. Chapter 2

The first day Kurt came back to school, he made sure Blaine didn't accompany him on the way. It wasn't that they fought or that Kurt didn't enjoy his fiancé's company. It's just that going back after the break caused by the beating was important for Kurt. It felt like a victory and he didn't want it to be full of Blaine babbling about things Kurt found unimportant so he chose the day his fiancé started classes earlier and definitely didn't have time to come over and walk with Kurt to the campus. They were set up for lunch together, after his first class and for Kurt that was enough of Blaine's presence in the first day.

He sighed softly at the thought. Was that how being a couple was supposed to look? Shouldn't he be looking forward to seeing Blaine? To try and spend every minute with him? But it just didn't feel like this, not when a whole day of classes was ahead of Kurt and he just wanted to focus on his academic studies rather than whatever Blaine was currently hyped about.

Kurt entered the dance studio and put his bag by the window, smiling at the few classmates that were already there and saying hello to everyone who greeted him. It's been months since he realised his first impression of what people thought about him was simply inaccurate. Yes, there were some guys who hated him, probably because he actually managed to look fashionable on a daily basis without making fool out of himself, and there were some people who believed he didn't deserve to be there. Some folks were pissed he got to sing in the Winter Showcase when he wasn't even a student. But mostly people liked him. Especially once they actually made an effort to get to know him. Around finals he spent some time in the NYADA dorms, studying with people for the exams. He was accepted and he was liked, even being a member of Adam's Apples didn't change that. Sure, people asked him why he joined and sometimes rolled their eyes but no one thought any less of him just because of it.

For the first time Kurt felt accepted and happy about where he was and coming back to school already reminded him that there were people who cared. He chuckled and hugged Natalie, the petite girl who, just like him, should have been in a different dancing class, only she didn't pass her exam after the first term there and Kurt, well, wasn't even a student back then. He assured Natalie that he was fine before saying hi to a few more newcomers, some of them he didn't even really know but apparently they knew about him since the reason of his absence wasn't a mystery. Kurt took off his hoodie and started stretching, knowing well that once Ms. July arrived class was going to get intense. And the fact that he wasn't at his best wasn't a secret. He had spent a week in hospital and then another he mostly in bed, except for the Midwinter Critique evening. It definitely left him much weaker than he wished he was in this class.

Kurt sighed with a relief as Cassie finished the class. He went to his bag and grabbed the water bottle, downing half of it in one go before he turned around and started packing his things. That was why he didn't notice the teacher coming to him and jumped as she started talking.

"Hummel, after you get yourself together" she motioned at him, probably meaning his messy hair and sweat that positively soaked through his clothes. "I want to see you in my office."

Kurt sighed and nodded before gathering his stuff and going to the showers. What she wanted from him was obvious. He did terrible in class, he stumbled through the steps and fell twice during a routine he should have known in his sleep. But he /was/ still recovering and they were supposed to be easier on him at the beginning. Then again, who had seen Cassie being easy on anyone. Kurt sighed as he dried his body with a towel and slowly put on clothes.

Kurt entered Cassandra's office after knocking and looked at her unsurely.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked and went in as the teacher nodded.

"You're underperforming, Hummel. Greatly" July said without looking up at him once. Kurt opened his mouth to reply but she silenced him with a simple gesture. "And it's not because of the injury. You've been out of it for weeks. I let it slide and that was my mistake. Now I have to let it slide for a few more weeks and possibly months because of your injuries. But you won't pass my class if you don't start getting better. And that would be a shame" Cassandra looked up at him and raised her eyebrows. "You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say your engagement is getting to you in a bad way. This whole semester you're just not in the best shape and it's hard not to connect it to that" she motioned at the ring on his finger. "But I know for a fact that your fiancé wouldn't hurt a fly. And if he noticed something was going on with you two and he unintentionally caused it, he'd fix it. He's better at fixing everything than most people. So what's going on with you, Hummel? Are you sick? Like more than broken skull, bruised and almost chocked to death, sick?"

Kurt sighed and leaned on the chair. Of course she thought Blaine was perfect. Everyone thought Blaine was perfect. And it'd be ridiculous to blame Blaine for his failure in class, anyway. But the fact that everyone thought his fiancé was such a great person and so much better than him? It sucked, sometimes.

"I'm not at my best now, I suppose it's clear why. And before the accident I'd been doing as well as the past semester, I don't know what you're talking about" Kurt said in a calm voice. "I'm going to try my best and if I don't pass the class then I'll reattend it next year. There's nothing more I can do and I wouldn't be the only one."  
Cassandra shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"You wouldn't be the only one but it'd be a shame. You came here with a disadvantage. You were stubborn and took the more intense class and you survived. You could have been with people from the third semester in fall, that's what I was planning for you. And now you're failing. You went from one of the best in class to one of the worst and I don't know why you let it happen, Hummel. I'm trying to find a reason but I see none. So fix it. Or you'll get into trouble" she gestured towards the door, letting Kurt know he was dismissed. He sighed and picked up his back before leaving the office. One more problem he needed to find a solution to.

The first fight after Kurt's release from the hospital was about his schedule. Again. Some time after Blaine moved out Kurt made sure to change his own schedule at NYADA so they weren't together all the time. Kurt needed his space, especially after the attack when he was healing, because someone's constant presence was distracting and, even though it was Blaine, it was tiring.

So now they were in the loft and Blaine was screaming at Kurt.

"Okay, enough!" Kurt looked at Blaine, finally and raised his hands. "I didn't pick you up from your apartment because I forgot. Because I had a stressful class and I just…I forgot about the date night and I'm sorry. You don't need to yell and you didn't have to go and fight with Elliott. I forgot, it's not his fault" Kurt sighed heavily. As soon as Kurt didn't show up on time Blaine became angry and that's how he ended up finding Kurt in Elliott's apartment discussing plans for the band. And that was why they were fighting in /Elliott's/ apartment after the owner himself hugged Kurt, said he'd give them some privacy and left.

Kurt sighed and sat on the couch, shaking his head. He was tired and now his head hurt from all the screaming. But Blaine was babbling something about them not spending enough time together and Kurt keeping him away and the boy sighed before looking up at his fiancé.

"I promise you, I'll work on making things better. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you away" Kurt smiled sadly and sighed with relief when Blaine pulled him into a hug. As long as they made up he could handle fights and being offended by Blaine daily. Just when the fight didn't end quickly Blaine sometimes got a little….scary.  
Kurt shook his head and hugged his fiancé tighter. He was being stupid because of emotions.

Kurt started the combat class with stretching and as the teacher was getting late he started some lifting to kill time. Talking to anyone was just a waste of time when they had all of the equipment available for them and he told Blaine they'd talk later. Why Blaine thought it was a good idea to snack in class was beyond Kurt but he wasn't going to say anything. Blaine was trying to find his place in school and if he was stress eating, well that happened to Kurt too at the very beginning. He was doing it at home but it was not like Blaine could control it.

"Check out the gun show" Kurt looked up and chuckled at his classmate before mumbling something about hitting puberty. Finally.

He was not ashamed of his past but he definitely knew his own body better now and took advantage of it every day with new physical routine. It felt good and was helping with the healing process - the doctor said physical activity would prevent Kurt's body from getting weaker because of the recuperation he was going through. He chatted with the guys before the teacher finally arrived and started class. Kurt didn't notice Blaine's stares.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt smiled as the evening progressed. Sam and Mercedes left, leaving him and Blaine alone and making their date possible. And as much as Kurt loved his friends, the time he spent with Blaine he cherished, too. Especially now as they hadn't had any problems in such a long time, except for the short argument about Kurt mentioning Eli and well, Blaine was probably right, it hadn't been necessary. Kurt smiled as Blaine agreed to make it their own night and then asked about what food Blaine was making. And for the second time in a few days he had a feeling something was off. Blaine wasn't trying to make him eat more on purpose, was he?

They had different eating habits and that was okay but suddenly Kurt couldn't help but feel like Blaine kept forgetting this. And he himself never did, he never tried to force his own diet on Blaine because it'd just be wrong but lately his fiancé seemed to forget about the difference between them. Blaine always was the one to exercise more but care slightly less about his diet and that was fine but why he was trying to make Kurt do the same now was hard to guess. Kurt sighed and shook his head before asking if they could have a salad instead. The meal Blaine had prepared was just too heavy and Kurt doubted that, even if he had wanted to, he'd be able to eat even half of it. He nodded and smiled as Blaine agreed to his proposition and went to check the movie times.

Kurt opened Blaine's laptop - he assumed it wasn't a big deal since they always used each other's laptops when they didn't have their own. But the second the screen lit up Kurt regretted his decision.

"Blaine?!" he called out and stared at the screen. Porn. Blaine had been watching porn on his laptop very recently and didn't even feel the need to actually hide it before his fiancé came over. Kurt swallowed heavily and took a step back, staring at the screen. He shook his head at Blaine's babbling response. Before he realised what was happening he was out of the apartment, breathing heavily after a jog down the street.

Blaine was watching porn. Very recently and pretty openly and while it wasn't bad itself, Kurt didn't understand why. Was this why they hadn't been intimate for a week then? If Blaine wanted to get off then why not with his fiancé and with the stupid laptop screen? What was Kurt doing wrong that made Blaine not want him? He tried, he did, a few times to initiate some touching but Blaine always pushed him away and it'd been over a week if Kurt was honest. Whenever Kurt wanted to have sex Blaine was just not interested and it hurt. Was it because of the scars Kurt still had? The not completely healed bruises? It couldn't be, they had sex the day after he got back from the hospital. Kurt entered the cafe that he was passing by and looked around. The inside looked familiar. He'd been there, a few times. How did he even get so close to NYADA campus by foot? Without realising what he was even doing? He sighed heavily and sat by the window and looked around. And then it dawned on him. He'd been there a few times, indeed, when he was dating Adam. Because his ex-boyfriend was actually working there.

Kurt wanted to stand up and leave but before he managed that Adam came close to his table. Judging by the look on his face, he regretted that as much as Kurt did not getting up and leaving sooner.

"Hello, what can I do for you?" Adam asked in a calm voice, his face back to the polite expression he reserved for his clients. The one Kurt had never seen when they were dating and Adam was taking his order.

"Adam, I'm…" Kurt frowned and looked up at the man.

"Kurt, I'm working. Do you want to order anything? Otherwise I'll have to ask you to leave…"

"Adam, I need to talk to you" Kurt whispered and bit his lip.

"You need to order your drink and let me work. That's what you need to do" Adam's voice grew thicker as he stared at the notepad he was holding.

"Earl grey tea and a biscuit, thank you" Kurt whispered and looked down at the table. He missed Adam terribly but it was about time to move on. Especially since Kurt knew what Blaine thought about his friendship with his ex-boyfriend.

The boy sighed as he waited for his order. He really needed someone to talk to and in the past his first choice would have been Adam. But not anymore, that door was closed. Kurt hurt one more person he cared so much about and this time he didn't know how to fix it.

* * *

"Yeah, I mean, it was a little surprising that you did perform on time. And amazingly, I must add" Mark smiled. Kurt nodded.

"I just didn't want to postpone it because I didn't really feel like later I'm going to do it any better, you know" he shrugged with a smile as he heard Blaine entering and frowned at the question about him not being by the diner. He forgot, he really did and not because of the stupid fight over porn.

"You know, Blaine, sometimes I think we talk too much" he cut off Blaine's rant and grabbed a sword and shield before taking his place in the line. They went through some simple stances before they had to pair up and this time Blaine stood in front of him before anyone else. Kurt sighed softly as they sparred, Blaine's balance still off so he had to help him up a few times. When they got to the boxing part, though, Kurt was obviously losing if only for the fact Blaine had been boxing for years. But compared to the rest of the group Blaine was much more aggressive and Kurt suddenly became afraid. His balance was still off, his head hurt sometimes and it all hinted his fracture still hadn't fully healed. So what if he didn't avoid one of Blaine's punches? Especially one of those above the cushion. Kurt ducked twice and covered himself when Blaine fell on him. He pushed him off and gave the cushion to the next person before going to the side of classroom.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" he heard the teacher ask and winced before shaking his head.

"I'm fine, it's just that my head hurts but it'll be fine in a minute" he murmured as an answer and looked up at the guy.

"Did you get hit?"

"No, I'm just… My fracture is still healing but I'll be fine" Kurt sighed softly and rubbed his temples. "I'll be fine by the time we get to fencing, I just need a minute on the side."

Kurt rested his head on the wall when the teacher went back to the middle of the room and breathed slowly. He was being a little silly about the whole thing. Blaine wouldn't hurt him on purpose. But he almost did hurt him with one of the punches and that's why Kurt got so scared for a minute. He breathed out, stood up and took a sip of water before he stood up and went to change into the fencing gear, watching Blaine do the same on the bench beside him. Kurt was hoping this time they wouldn't be paired together. Blaine seemed mad and was trying to let it out on Kurt for some reason. He sighed and stood up before picking up the sword and standing on teacher's side. And of course Blaine stood on the other. It's not that Kurt didn't trust him, he did. But Blaine could be a little impulsive and thoughtless sometimes and while he wouldn't hurt Kurt on purpose and Kurt doubted he'd do it accidentally too, it was just making Kurt a tad uncomfortable.

* * *

Kurt was the one to attack first. It gave him an advantage which he knew as he'd been in this class longer than Blaine. But the match quickly turned into a real fight when Blaine held his sword with two hands, making avoiding the hits more difficult for Kurt and slightly scary. That was not how they were supposed to fence and he didn't understand why the teacher didn't get involved. After having to dive a few times to avoid being hit in the head Kurt made a quick move and hit Blaine, unfortunately not properly because he misjudged the distance and actually hit him with his hand. It must have been painful and Blaine protested loudly but Kurt had stopped caring. He felt attacked and the way Blaine was throwing himself at him wasn't fair and it made him mad. After staring at his fiancé for a few moments he went to change and then to the next class. He didn't wait, he didn't want to have to talk to Blaine.

"It's been brought to my attention that you behaved inappropriately in the stage combat class and I was asked to ban you from attending" Madam Tibideaux told Kurt as he settled in the chair in front of her desk. He was called to her office between classes and despite being aware something must have happened this surprised him. He didn't remember doing anything terrible in the class and frowned as he opened his mouth to explain, but the dean just shook her head. "I'm not going to do that. Yet. You're suspended from all classes for a week though and you have to decide wether you want to be a part of this group or not."

"Madam Tibideaux, I don't understand" Kurt looked at her and crossed his arms to his chest. "I didn't perform worse lately and I certainly didn't do anything against the rules here so why the warning?"

"From what I heard, you broke the rules of the fencing match and you were reported by your partner. Now, from what I understand, Mr Anderson was the one called by a teacher for a talk because he also broke the rules, but he explained you did first which has earned you a warning. And apparently in addition to that you also hit him inappropriately which could have seriously injured him. Because of that it had to be reported and you have to be punished. It's unacceptable to endanger anyone's health, even in a class like stage combat."

Kurt swallowed heavily and nodded. Blaine had reported him. He actually reported him for the situation in which Kurt felt endangered. He had felt like he had to fight back against rules to stop the match and not get hurt. And now he was the one to blame. He always was.

"I'm sorry, Madam Tibideaux. It will not happen again."

"It wasn't the only complaint I heard about you this week. You need to fix this before anyone else reports you and you're put on probation. And you will have to work twice as hard because of the missed week. So you better make sure you really want it."

Kurt swallowed heavily and hugged himself slightly.

"I'm doing my best, Madam Tibideaux."

"Well your best needs to be as good as it was at the start. Otherwise it may be not enough. I'll see you in a week" the teacher looked at Kurt as he nodded before leaving quickly.

* * *

Kurt entered the apartment and threw his bag to floor which got Blaine's attention.

"Kurt?"

"You reported me. You reported me to the teacher because I hit you with my hand and not with the sword!" Kurt glared at Blaine and took a step back when he tried to get closer. "You were holding it with two hands, you had no right to do it. You had no right to accuse me of causing you danger when you started playing unfair! You almost hit my head half an hour earlier and I'm still recovering from the attack! I wouldn't hurt you ever and you…" Kurt's voice broke as he stared at Blaine who reached out and touched his shoulder.

"I didn't report you, Kurt. I told the teacher because he was accusing me of doing that and well, I just had to tell him the whole story and he decided he had to report that. I didn't want him to…" Blaine rubbed Kurt's shoulder as the boy frowned at him.

"But they said you wanted to report me…" Kurt murmured, confused.

"I didn't. We would both get a warning if the teacher didn't decide to go further with it. I didn't even know he did…" Blaine admitted quietly.

"So…we have a week free of classes now to plan together?" Kurt tried to smile but it came out more like a frown than anything else. He still felt overwhelmed from the punishment but was at least relieved Blaine didn't do anything against him.

"I'm…not suspended from classes, I only got a warning, Kurt" Blaine answered slowly.

"But you did the same thing. You took off your mask and you were attacking with two hands!" Kurt huffed.

"Yeah but I didn't hit you at that moment. So I didn't hurt you and I just get off with a warning. I'm sorry, Kurt but you know I had to tell the teacher the whole story, right? I mean I'm a freshman, even if we did the same thing I'm more likely to get expelled than you, ever. Especially here, they love you here. So I just told him how it went because that's only fair."

Kurt took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll just…get busy with something. I'm glad only one of us got punished" he smiled sadly and sighed. Blaine was right, he hadn't reported Kurt himself so everything was fine. Because they didn't do that to each other. They didn't go behind each others back and Blaine had no choice because he was asked about it. And in the end Kurt would make up for the lost time so it was fine. He slumped against Blaine's chest and sighed deeply as his fiancé led them both to the couch. They were going to be fine, they always were.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello! Unfortunately exams happen to authors, too but a break like shouldn't really happen again. I'm sorry for this!**

* * *

Kurt got a phone call around noon on the second day of his suspension and rushed into the clinic where they had taken the STD tests. The conversation with the doctor was relatively short as he explained to Kurt that chlamydia was not as dangerous to men as it was to women and even if he had had if for a longer time he was going to be just fine, he should inform his partners and take antibiotics for seven days while making sure he didn't have intercourse so that he wouldn't infect Blaine and…

Blaine. Kurt stopped walking as he realised he had to tell Blaine. Blaine, who could have either given it to him or gotten it from him and Kurt didn't know which option was worse. He leaned against a wall, ignoring a few stares from the patients in the waiting room. He left the office wondering why they were staring at him. Did everyone suddenly know? That was ridiculous. Kurt shook his head and slowly left the building before getting back to the apartment. He put the pamphlets about safe sex on the table along with the medicine he picked up on his way. He had to talk to Blaine, tell him because Blaine needed to get tested, too.

Kurt groaned at the thought and looked at the meds lying on the table. Blaine was going to be pissed. No matter who gave it to whom, it was going to be a disaster. If Kurt got it from someone else they'd fight over it. And even telling Blaine was probably going to end up in a fight because mentioning anything that could remind Blaine of what he's done with Eli was always ending in a fight.

Kurt sighed, sat on the couch and closed his eyes. There was no way to do it well, no matter how much he wanted to avoid the fight it wasn't going to be possible.

When Blaine came back Kurt was finishing dinner already. He went through the notes Rachel and Blaine brought him the day before and managed to cook pasta and start on a dessert when he felt arms wrapped around his waist and heard hello murmured into his ear. Kurt took a deep breath and turned around.

"Hey, babe" he whispered and kissed Blaine chastely. "How was your day?"

"It was good. Just some difficult classes and having to deal with July" Blaine rolled his eyes and leaned into Kurt's touch.

"I'm sorry. She's picking on everyone, don't worry about it." Kurt said softly and rubbed Blaine's back.

"Yeah, she's tough. But I'll survive. How was your day?" he asked and looked up at Kurt with a smile. Kurt sighed and shrugged.

"Nothing special. But I need to talk to you." he said carefully and felt Blaine tense in his arm. Kurt barely held back a wince at the sudden change in his boyfriend. This was not going to end well.

"What happened?" Blaine asked carefully and took the step back, looking at Kurt.

"The tests we took the other day? When we went to the clinic with Artie? Mine came back positive for chlamydia. The doctor said I don't have any symptoms and he put me on antibiotics so I should be fine and you should be fine, too, if we just don't have sex for ten days but it's... It's not really having any influence on my health so there's that." Kurt rambled nervously, his eyes locked on the floor.

"You... What? You have what? Kurt, how did you even get it?" Blaine frowned and stepped closer again. "My tests came back negative so you can't blame this one on me. How did you get it?" his voice got lower, the tone dangerous.

"I don't know how. If you're... If your result came back negative then from someone else. No one that matters probably, Blaine. It's not... Important."

"It is important, Kurt! Why did you do it?!" Blaine raised his voice. Kurt took a deep breath and took the step back from him.

"It was long time ago. It wasn't anyone you know, no one that really matters..."

"It was that dude, wasn't it? You got it from this English guy who wasn't supposed to be anything?"

"No, it wasn't Adam. It wasn't anyone you heard about, it was just a random guy I met last year, probably. I know that Adam is clean but it doesn't matter, Blaine. We are together now..." Kurt said quietly, his voice trembling.

"So you slept with Adam?" Blaine raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms on a chest. Kurt winced and leant on a counter.

"Why are we even talking about it now, Blaine? It doesn't matter, it's the past. I'm here now. With you and not with anyone else and this just... It's just a week without having sex, we can do it..."

"We just went through two weeks without it! What if I don't want to? What if I don't want to have to be with someone who's a risk to me? Who lied to me, because you said there was nothing between you and Adam!"

Kurt shook his head and looked at Blaine.

"This is what it's all about, isn't it? Me being with Adam" he whispered and sighed.

"It's about you lying. You said there was nothing there" Blaine huffed and rolled his eyes.

"There was nothing important that I should mention. Because the moment I said yes to you? That's when he was a history. And if that's not good enough for you then I don't know what will because I had the right to date whoever I wanted while we were broken up!" Kurt finally raised his voice, feeling a little sick all of the sudden. He gave up on Adam for Blaine. He gave up on someone who never hurt him for the boy in front of him who was yelling because of the past which none of them could change. Kurt sighed and leaned on a counter.

"Kurt..."

"I'm just tired, Blaine. We weren't intimate because you were avoiding me and you know this. That was not my fault and now this, it is my fault, I did some questionable stuff in the past year that I should have done more carefully but it was not about you. And I'm so tired of fighting. Of feeling miserable when we should feel amazing. It's our life now. We should enjoy each other more than fight and that's not happening now" Kurt finished in a trembling voice.

"You're right." Blaine admitted gently and came closer. He wrapped his arms around Kurt and held him close. "You're right, we fight too much. And that's time to change it" he whispered and kissed Kurt's forehead.

* * *

Kurt hummed as Blaine moved by his side and then proceeded to hide under the comforter.

"Not going anywhere" he murmured and hid his face in a pillow which made Blaine chuckle.

"Come on, sleeping beauty. You know you want to go. It was your idea." Blaine whispered and kissed Kurt's temple after uncovering him. "And you'll enjoy it so come on." he tugged on Kurt's pyjama bottoms.

"Do I have to?" Kurt asked unhappily and kicked Blaine lightly when he tried to take away the covers.

"You know you do. Now, come on, baby. You'll love it." Blaine chuckled as Kurt whined again but got up, rubbing his eyes. Every day spent with that man was making him incredibly happy. Kurt was one of the best things that happened to Blaine and loving him felt just natural.

Kurt got up finally and trotted to the bathroom to go through his morning routine before they ate breakfast and went out. It was the truth, he was incredibly excited for their day together and he enjoyed it very much. Having a walk with Blaine, then going out to lunch and an evening show on Broadway, Blaine's parents bought them tickets as a birthday present for Kurt, was just what sounded like an amazing day. He cuddled into Blaine's side and ignored the stares from some old lady a few rows ahead of them as they watched Wicked together. Kurt spent the whole intermission telling Blaine for what felt like the hundred time about that day he was on that stage and they laughed together at the mention of Kurt being scared /shitless/ when he saw the bodyguard.

The second act Kurt spent both crying and laughing and it just felt too perfect and he felt so lucky.

* * *

Kurt sighed into Blaine's lips as they kissed and he pulled Blaine closer.

"You know, girls are gone for the night..." he whispered and wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist. Sitting on a counter made him much taller than Blaine it felt amazing to be wrapped around his boyfriend like that.

"Yeah, apparently they are." Blaine hummed and kissed Kurt again, his hands sliding on his fiancé's back until he reached his hips and gripped them.

"We could do it? You know..." Kurt whispered and whimpered as Blaine touched his hips. It's been too long, for both of them and Kurt was excited to change it. Off the antibiotics, completely cured he couldn't wait. Making out just wasn't enough after almost a month.

"No, no..." Blaine murmured against Kurt's neck. "I'm good with this" he whispered and kissed Kurt's neck as his fiancé froze.

"Blaine..." Kurt whimpered and kissed Blaine, pulling him even closer.

"I'm good with this, Kurt." Blaine repeated sternly, breaking the kiss.

"I'm not. You can't be either, come on, it's been too long." Kurt tugged on Blaine's shirt trying to get it off but Blaine grabbed his wrists and pulled them away gently.

"I said no. It wasn't long enough since you started taking your medication, Kurt. I don't feel safe..." he murmured and let go of Kurt's hands.

"It's been two weeks, Blaine. I was allowed to have sex a week ago, come on." Kurt pulled Blaine closer with his legs.

"No, Kurt. I said no." Blaine unwrapped Kurt's legs from his waist and took the step back, frowning at this fiancé. "Why don't you understand that the first time? I said no and you keep pushing when I don't want to be with you like this!"

Kurt's face fell and he looked at Blaine, hurt.

"You... Don't want me? Like... Like this? At all?" he asked quietly.

"Not right now, no. I don't." Blaine hummed and rolled his eyes. "You slept with that British guy, Kurt. And you said there was nothing between you two. So excuse me but I don't really feel like having sex with you right now. I'd feel like I was having sex with him."

"You slept with Eli when we were in a relationship!" Kurt hopped off the counter and crossed his arms on a chest.

"And I never lied to you about it. I told you from the beginning and I paid my price."

"You were with me when that happened, it's not the same, Blaine."

"But it's enough to make me not want to be intimate with you. And I won't change my mind just because you use Eli argument again. We've been over this so many times and it's getting boring, Kurt. I just... You can't force me to have sex with you when I just don't feel like doing it, okay?" Kurt nodded slowly and then went to grab his bag from the couch.

"I'm gonna go on a walk, I need to think" he said quietly before leaving the apartment.


End file.
